


It Takes a Village

by luckysilverbell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spn_kink, Kid!Fic, M/M, angels with no sense of personal space, protective!Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckysilverbell/pseuds/luckysilverbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In heaven, when angels have a child, all the other angels are extremely involved in raising it, regardless of whose child it is. So when Cas and Dean have their first, Cas isn't worried when random angels pop in uninvited to play with/teach/"borrow" the kid. Dean, however, is extremely uncomfortable with all these angels (some who tried to kill him and/or Cas before) constantly showing up and taking his child.</p>
<p>Prompt from the kink meme!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were some things about his relationship with Castiel that Dean seriously wished he’d known beforehand. Sure, he’d gone into the relationship knowing the angel was a quirky, meticulous, infuriating son of a bitch, but if he was being completely honest, that was part of the reason he’d been so attracted to Cas in the first place.

However, after the years they’d spent together, Dean slowly began to recognize that in addition to Castiel’s seemingly endless quirks, there seemed to be some major cultural differences between them as well. It took awhile, but Dean liked to think he was moderately proficient in recognizing which traits were just Cas being his quirky self, and which ones were more culturally-centered.

Over-thinking pornos was definitely a Castiel-exclusive quirk. The other angels seemed to grasp the concept of porn quite easily. Hiding possums and raccoons in the bunker was another quirk Dean was still trying to deal with.

On the other hand, always standing ass-deep in people’s personal bubbles seemed to be a culture thing. To Dean’s never-ending annoyance, all the angels he’d met were some serious personal space invaders, and none of them seemed to find anything wrong with it. Especially the cherubs.

Another thing Dean had been fortunate enough to know beforehand was that Cas had a huge family. And it wasn’t like the extended family you only had to suffer through on the holidays; these were all brothers and sisters. Thousands of them.

Not that they were on the best of terms most days—nine times out of ten, when another angel showed up, it wasn’t to catch up over Sunday dinner. He’d honestly lost count of the number of times some feathered asshole had just _appeared_ behind either himself, Cas or Sam, trying to stab or smite the shit out of whoever they could get their hands on. Knowing these jerkoffs were family didn’t make much of a difference in Dean’s eyes, but it at least allowed him to understand why Cas got so moody after fighting with them.

What he did _not_ know, however, was that this psychotic angelic family was expanding. Dean was, admittedly, no expert on angels, even after the number of times he’d shared his bed with one. Neither was much for pillow-talk, and needless to say, the topic of basic angel anatomy hadn’t come up in conversation yet.

Perhaps it should have.

Because the last thing Dean was ever expecting Cas to ask him was whether or not they should name their son “John”.

“Our son?” he repeated flatly, and Cas tilted his head slightly as he replied.

“I’m fairly certain the child will be male.” His words were slow and precise, and his eyes were fixed on Dean’s face, searching for any inkling of a response.

“Where the hell are we gonna get a kid, Cas?” he asked, grinning in spite of himself. “No adoption agency in its right mind would give us custody of _an_ ything, and it’s not like we can just swipe one off a playground.” Dean didn’t miss the uncomfortable scuff of the toe of Cas’ shoe against the pavement, and his stomach dropped faster than the angel’s gaze. “Cas, you didn’t.”

Cas looked up quickly at Dean’s panicked tone. “I did not steal a child, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“Okay, good to know we’re not creepy child abductors,” Dean said with a frown. “What’s with the kid-talk, then?”

The angel’s lips parted slightly, and his eyes narrowed. For a moment, he looked as though he was about to say something, but changed his mind halfway through and just shook his head instead.

“Will you just spit it out already?”

“Why do you assume I’m going to _steal_ a child?” Cas asked bluntly, frown deepening into a glare.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean said with a short laugh. “I just meant, where else would we get one?”

For a moment, Cas looked genuinely bewildered. “I assumed you of all people would understand the finer points of reproduction,” he said. “Especially considering your insatiable sex drive.”

Dean laughed, and Cas’ face seemed to soften slightly. “Cas, buddy, I hate to burst your bubble, but I think you might’ve misunderstood a few things.” When Cas didn’t reply and instead looked even more confused, Dean elaborated, “We’re both guys. And the only, uh, humans that can have babies are the ladies.”

“I am not a human,” Cas said, exasperated.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Dean interrupted. “Believe me, _I know._ But you’re in a dude’s body, so the same rules kinda apply.”

Cas seemed to be searching for words again. “I don’t think you understand,” he said pointedly. “I am _not_ human. The laws of human biology don’t apply to angels.”

Dean’s eyes widened almost comically as Cas’ words finally began to sink in. “Cas, are you pregnant?” he asked, sounding slightly choked.

“In a sense, yes, but not the—” he trailed off hesitantly, not seeing any point in finishing a sentence Dean was very clearly not listening to. “Dean, are you alright?” Dean was very obviously _not_ alright. He kept mouthing words like ‘what’ and ‘how’, and seemed deaf to anything else. “Dean!”

Dean looked up sharply, still looking utterly bewildered. “Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s just, you know, not every day you find out you got another dude pregnant.”

Cas’ eye twitched. “I am an angel of the Lord,” he snapped irritably. “Not ‘another dude’.”

“Right,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Because that makes it _so_ much easier to wrap my head around. Cas, this is a kid we’re talking about! Our kid!”

“I’m aware of that!” Cas exclaimed finally. “That’s why I’m asking you what to name it.”

“Oh.” After a few steadying breaths, Dean finally seemed to calm down. He chewed his tongue in thought for a second, then said, “Uh, let’s definitely _not_ call him John.” There was a brief silence as Cas stared his usual soul-searching stare, and after a moment, Dean hesitantly reached out to rest his hand on Cas’ stomach.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to feel the baby,” Dean said with the slightest hint of a smile slowly creeping its way onto his face. “You still look the same. How far are you?”

“Dean, my _vessel_ is not pregnant,” Cas replied. “ _I_ am. Your human biology wouldn’t allow it.”

Dean clapped a hand over Cas’ mouth, and the angel’s eyes widened indignantly. “Cas, you’re ruining the moment,” he said with a laugh, wrapping his other arm around Cas’ waist and pulling him into a quick hug. “C’mon, Sammy’s gonna flip his shit when we tell him!”


	2. Chapter 2

The first time it happened, Dean was able to dismiss it as weird angel behavior.

Almost two months had passed since their baby was born (Cas had settled on the name ‘Jimmy’ in the end), and Dean simply could not get enough of his tiny son. Something about the little guy just had his heart twisting in his chest, and every sound that came out of him just made Dean so happy, he almost wanted to cry. There had actually been a few close calls, but nothing he couldn’t hide with a fake coughing fit.

It was still too early to determine who he would take after most, and Sam had been quick to point out that his eyes probably wouldn’t stay so blue after a few months, but Dean had the sneaking suspicion that Jimmy was going to be a carbon copy of Cas.

Especially after the first lightbulb exploded. Normally, Dean would tack it up to bad wiring, but one look at Jimmy’s excited face told him otherwise. That, and the telltale afterglow of grace in the baby’s eyes.

“Oh, you are going to be _such_ a badass,” Dean said as he scooped Jimmy into his arms, patting him on the back as he stepped over the broken glass. “Sammy, we got a broom anywhere?”

Dean poked his head into the bunker’s library and smirked. Sam was sound asleep on one of his many ‘curious volumes of forgotten lore’, and was drooling profusely on the pages. “Oh, look at that, Jimmy.” Dean said softly. “That’s why it’s important to sleep every night. Uncle Sammy here never left his college cram sessions behind him.” Jimmy just hiccupped and grabbed at his dad’s ear, and Dean laughed. “Sam, wake up, man,” he said, shaking Sam’s shoulder with his free hand. “C’mon, you can sleep tonight.”

Sam continued to sleep.

“Okay, you asked for it,” he said, pushing Jimmy towards Sam’s face. “Get ‘im, Jimmy!”

Jimmy immediately grabbed a tiny fistful of Sam’s hair and stuck it in his mouth. Sam snuffled slightly in his sleep, but otherwise gave no sign of life. Dean frowned, and set Jimmy on the floor with a muttered “don’t touch anything, buddy.”

“Sammy?” He shook his brother’s shoulder much harder than usual, and felt the panic rising. Sam wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t this deep of a sleeper. Something had to be wrong. Castiel’s name was half-formed on his lips in prayer when something caught the corner of his eye.

An angel. That wasn’t Cas.

Sitting on the floor. Holding _his_ son.

“Who the hell are you?!” Dean shouted, hand immediately shooting for the angel blade he kept tucked in his jacket. “I swear to fuck, if you don’t put him down _right now_ , I’ll peel you like a potato!”

The angel—Inias, Dean remembered belatedly—looked confused. “Why are you so hostile?” he asked, bouncing Jimmy slightly on his leg.

“Why are you touching my kid?” Dean shot back.

Inias smiled with something akin to pride. “He is learning so fast,” he cooed. “Most children don’t begin displaying grace until at least a year.”

“What, the light bulb thing?” he asked cautiously, still not lowering the blade.

“I had assumed you could use someone to help guide him with his grace, that’s all,” Inias said with a shrug, poking Jimmy lightly on the nose.

“Oh, you did, did you?” Dean snapped. “Well, let me tell you something, Feathers. If, and I mean _if_ , I need help getting Jimmy’s mojo under control, I’ll ask Cas. Not _you_.” He snatched Jimmy up and held him tight in one arm, the other hand shaking slightly as he clutched the blade in a white-knuckled grip.

For a moment, Inias looked—dare he say it?—Sad. Like a child that just dropped an ice cream cone. “I was only…” he began hesitantly, then seemingly losing his train of thought, tried again with, “I just thought…”

“All I want you to do is wake Sam up and get the hell out of here before I have to bury you in the yard.”

Inias slowly—sulkily, almost—got to his feet and tapped his first two fingers to Sam’s forehead, and was gone in a rush of feathers before Sam could even open his eyes. “Hey, Dean,” Sam finally muttered. “What’s up?”

“We got problems, Sam,” Dean muttered, holding Jimmy as close as physical limitations would allow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of canon divergence here, since I'm un-killing some of the angels. That's all.

Despite what he said to the contrary, Dean was a nervous wreck. Inias was hardly an angel he would consider threatening, and he’d maintained a close friendship with Cas even after all the crap the aforementioned had put Heaven through. But that didn’t change the fact that the feathered fucker had materialized in the bunker and snatched up Jimmy—without Dean even noticing he was there.

“So, wait, did he _say_ anything? Other than Jimmy’s mojo manifesting early, I mean?” Sam asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

Dean shook his head, only half-focused on what Sam was saying. “He said he wanted to help or something,” he muttered. Jimmy seemed fine, all things considered. Dean pulled him a bit closer as he made a grab for a discarded ketchup bottle and rested a hand on his forehead. “God, Sammy, what if he did something to him? Messed with his head or… or…”

“Or what?”

“I don’t _know_!” Dean snapped, and immediately regretted it as Jimmy began to fuss. “Hey, it’s alright, buddy. Don’t start crying, okay? C’mon…”

Sam winced as Jimmy’s hiccupping sobs filled the kitchen. Normally, he would have said something about Dean clearly overreacting, but he let the comment die in his mouth. Dean’s face was lined with worry, and seemed to be on the verge of joining his son in a meltdown.

“Look, I really don’t think we have anything to worry about,” Sam reasoned in the most soothing voice he could manage. “It was just Inias. He and Cas go way back, and you know how angels are with personal space.”

“I know that,” Dean growled, patting Jimmy on the back as the infant continued to wail. “But Inias isn’t the only angel out there, is he? If that little twit can find us, so can every other one of those assholes! And it’s not like I can angel-proof the damn place anymore with Cas around!” He was shouting again, he realized, and lowered his voice before continuing. “Don’t you get it? We’re not safe here.”

Sam sighed as he reached out to take Jimmy, and tried bouncing him lightly on his knee. “Have you talked to Cas yet?” he asked.

Dean shook his head. “He’s been off since this morning,” he muttered.

“Where?”

“I’unno, I was dead asleep. Think he mentioned something about it last night, but I was kinda out of it.” Dean’s mouth quirked in the briefest hint of a smile. “Little guy wants to eat twenty-four seven. Probably just hates that formula. Betcha can’t wait to try some pie, huh kiddo?” He added the last part with a grin in at Jimmy, who only cried louder.

“Yeah, that formula tastes like crap,” Sam added with a shrug.

“How would _you_ know?”

Sam rolled his eyes and fixed Dean with one of his classic bitchfaces. “Well, if you and Cas would stop putting the formula in a milk carton, maybe I wouldn’t be mixing them up at two in the morning.”

“Hey, that’s not me! That’s all Cas. I told him we don’t need to make that much, but he does it anyway.”

“It’s a good thing he did, though,” commented a voice from the kitchen, and Dean shot up out of his chair as though he’d been shocked. “So much faster than mixing it myself.” Anna walked out of the kitchen with a bottle and a towel, seemingly unaware of Dean and Sam’s dumbfounded expressions. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done this,” she continued, setting the items on the table and holding out her arms to Sam. “May I?”

“You may _not!_ ” Dean retorted, pushing his way between Sam and Anna, as Jimmy’s crying rose once again in volume. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

“He’s hungry,” Anna answered, taking a step back in surprise. “You two seemed busy, so I thought I’d feed him for you.”

“See what I’m talking about, Sam?!” Dean exclaimed, gesturing wildly at the flabbergasted redhead. “They just waltz on in here like they own the damn place!”

As if on cue, another set of footsteps echoed from down the hall, followed by their young owner whose face was obscured by the pile of blankets he carried. “I don’t know if this is enough, but they’re all I could find—” he was saying, before cutting off mid-sentence. “Um, is everything alright?” Samandriel asked hesitantly, peering around the blanket pile and glancing from Anna to Sam, then to the blade Dean had half-pulled from his jacket.

“Oh, great, you brought Alfie,” Dean said sarcastically. “What is this, an angel family reunion?”

Samandriel shook his head as he turned to Anna in confusion. “Was it something I said?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Maybe now is a bad time.”

Samandriel’s face suddenly lit up, and his face split into a huge grin. “If now is a bad time, why don’t we take Jimmy with us and give these two a chance to speak in private!” he exclaimed excitedly, and before Dean could blink, the smaller angel was on the opposite side of the room with Jimmy cradled gently in his arms.

“Hey!” Dean had fully withdrew the angel blade from his jacket, but Sam caught his arm before he could throw it.

“It’s alright,” Samandriel said, more focused on Jimmy than Sam and Dean. “I’ve been watching humans caring for their infants, and feeding is actually rather easy.”

“I can feed my own damn kid, Alfie!” Dean snapped, snatching both baby and bottle from the angel’s arms. “Get out, and tell your angel buddies they’re not welcome here!”

Samandriel looked ready to cry, and Anna rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We’ll go,” she said in resignation. “But we’ll be back later if you need anything.”

“No, damnit, that’s not what I—” There was a flutter of wings, and Dean was left shouting at thin air. “The hell was that all about?”

Sam, however, was grinning. “They remind me of a bunch of grandmothers,” he snickered.

“This isn’t funny, Sam.”

“No, you’re right,” Sam said, hurriedly attempting to hide his smile. “The strongest creatures in Heaven’s army cooing over your kid like little old ladies. Not funny at all.”

“Shut up, Sammy.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Cas finally returned to the bunker that night, Sam was seated in the middle of the floor, books spread across his lap while Jimmy slept soundly on a pillow next to him. An empty bottle lay discarded a few feet from them, and Cas immediately stooped to pick it up.

This small movement seemed to catch Sam's attention, and he immediately pulled Jimmy's pillow closer while simultaneously reaching for the blade beside him. "Sam?" Cas set the bottle on the table, and Sam seemed to relax slightly.

"Sorry, Cas," he muttered. "It's been a weird day. Where have you been?"

"Heaven," Cas replied dismissively as he sat next to Sam and Jimmy, tapping the baby softly on the nose. "We still have a lot of rebuilding to do. It's getting… tedious."

"Yeah, I bet," Sam said, turning back to his book. "Seen Dean yet?"

Cas shook his head, still watching the sleeping baby. "Not yet," he replied. "Where is he?"

"Upstairs," Sam said lightly, "angel-proofing Jimmy's room."

"What?" Cas finally looked up, face a mixture of concern and indignation. "Why?"

Sam set his book down with a sigh. "Because he's paranoid, and he's overreacting. Look, why don't you just go talk to him? It's a really long story, and I kinda have all this to do." He gestured widely at the pile of books, and by the time he looked back up, Cas was gone. "Here we go," he muttered, as the sound of a shout, followed by a loud  _thud,_  reverberated through the bunker.

* * *

"Jesus, Cas, don't scare me like that!" Dean exclaimed, tossing the angel blade a safe distance across the room. "I almost stabbed you, man!"

Cas got slowly to his feet, gratefully accepting the hand offered to him, as well as Dean's profuse apologies. "It's fine. I'm fine," he replied, allowing Dean to pull him into a tight hug. After a moment, he added, "Why were you sitting in the dark?"

"Huh?" Dean pulled back and looked around the room. "Oh, that. Jimmy blew out the light bulb," he said with a shrug.

Though the shadows obscured most of the angel's face, Dean thought he saw the faintest hint of pride in Cas' smile. "Did he?"

"Yeah, though your buddy Inias said that shouldn't be happening until he's a bit older."

There was an uneasy waver in Dean's voice as he spoke. A tremor, almost, barely concealed beneath his usual bluster and bravado. Barely noticeable to anyone, except for Castiel. "Inias was here?" he asked, and the look on Dean's face told him everything he needed to know.

"Yeah," Dean said, turning back to the paint bucket left discarded in the corner. "Popped outta thin air. Musta knocked Sammy out, cuz I've never seen him sleep like that his whole damn life. And when I turned around, the shitwit had Jimmy." He ground out the last bit through gritted teeth, knuckles white as he gripped the paintbrush.

"Inias would never harm Jimmy," Cas said in what was meant to be a reassuring voice, but clearly was having no effect on Dean.

"Yeah? What makes you so sure?"

Cas almost smirked, but kept his face more or less neutral. "He's not foolish enough to risk angering his superior."

"And by his superior, you mean you."

"Yes. Inias has always been a peaceful being. He will not seek out conflict on his own."

"What about your other little angel buddies, huh?" Dean shot back. "Anna and Alfie were here too, you know."

"Who is Alfie?" Cas asked, confused.

"Uh… Samandriel," he elaborated. "Anna just walked out of the kitchen with a bottle, and fuck only knows what Alfie was doing with all those blankets—why are you smiling?"

Cas shook his head slightly. "There are many things you do not understand, Dean," he said gently.

"Yeah? Mind telling me?"

"Our… family, I suppose you would call it, is very close. And when a child is born, every angel takes a part in its upbringing." Dean looked far from comforted by the explanation. "It's a deeply ingrained custom."

"What, like how you're all a bunch of celestial personal space invaders?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean. It's the same thing."

"Well, I don't like it." Dean grabbed the bucket and walked back to where a half-finished sigil shone damp against the wall. "How many of those assclowns have tried to kill us? I don't trust them for a second."

"You are not painting those on the wall, Dean," Cas snapped, making a swipe for the paintbrush.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I'm offending your family, but if they wanna visit my kid, they're gonna ask for some goddamn permission first."

" _Our_  child, Dean," Cas corrected, voice dropping sharply. "Did it occur to you that if you paint those symbols on the wall,  _I_  will be unable to enter as well?"

Dean had the decency to look momentarily abashed, but the stubborn set of his jaw did not lessen. "What else am I supposed to—"

" _And_ ," Cas continued, cutting Dean off. "those sigils will affect Jimmy. Or did you forget he's only half human?"

"Shit." Dean dropped the brush back into the bucket. "Shit. Look, I'm sorry. It's just, some of your brothers a little fucked in the head. And if they're just gonna show up whenever the hell they feel like it, I don't know what else to do."

"I can watch Jimmy while you sleep," Cas said, and finally, Dean seemed to relax. "And I will speak to them about… boundaries."

"That'd be great," Dean said wearily, and stared at the paint bucket. "Couldya open a window? I'm gonna get this stuff outta here before the fumes get too bad."

"Of course, Dean."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean's a bit of a dick in this chapter, and I apologize in advance. But I got to thinking, "How would _I_ feel if angels that tried to kill me and my baby-mama broke into my house and played with my kid?"

When Dean woke up the next morning, he had been expecting a lot of things. The sound of Sam rummaging through the kitchen. Jimmy’s fussing that would soon turn to crying if no one picked him up. That annoying possum (or whatever) that had probably made a nest in the wall. The fluctuating thrum of electricity that was either the generator on the fritz or Castiel using his angel mojo.

What he had not been expecting, however, was the angel sitting next to him in bed. The angel that, once again, was not Cas. “Good morning, Dean Winchester.”

“Son of a bitch!” In later retellings, Dean would omit the part where he fell off the bed in surprise, nearly sending Inias to the ground as well as he clung to the sheets. “What the hell are you doing in my bed?!” he shouted from the floor.

Inias tilted his head slightly in the almost-bird-like manner that seemed so commonplace with the angels. “Castiel has told me that humans require… sleep,” he said. “And you seemed very peaceful. I did not want to disturb you.”

“Thanks for that,” Dean muttered as he got to his feet, sounding anything but grateful. “Where’s Cas? And Jimmy?” he added with a fresh wave of panic. “Where’s Jimmy?!”

“Jimmy is with Castiel and your brother downstairs,” Inias said calmly. “With Rachel and Balthazar.”

“Of course,” Dean replied with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “So I’ll ask again—what the _hell_ are you doing in my bed?”

If Inias was at all offended by Dean’s tone, he didn’t let on. “Castiel informed me of your… cultural differences regarding child-rearing,” he said. “And I have come to the conclusion that entering your home, rendering your brother unconscious, and visiting with Jimmy without announcing my presence may have come across to you as rude.”

Dean’s mouth hung open for a second, and he gave a short nod. “Rude?” he said finally. “Try ‘creepy’. Or ‘menacing’. Or ‘if you ever touch my kid again without permission, I’ll roast your wings and serve ‘em up extra crispy with buffalo sauce’.”

“Yes, Castiel mentioned the importance of acquiring permission with humans,” Inias said, plainly ignoring the threat. “I just wanted to apologize.”

“Uh…” Dean looked uncomfortable for a moment, which, considering he was clad only in his underwear and a bed sheet with a strange angel sitting cross-legged on his bed, he was well within his rights to be. “Thanks, I guess,” he said, and Inias beamed.

“Pound it!” he said happily, extending his fist towards Dean.

Dean reluctantly bumped fists with the angel, then added, “You need to stop watching television.” Inias stared at his fist, confused, then shrugged.

There was the sound of rushing wings, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he slumped back onto the bed. The alarm clock on the nightstand glowed mockingly with the time—6:14am. He desperately wanted to curl up under the blankets, but the thought of Cas and Sam being outnumbered by a group of baby-crazy angels finally pushed him back to his feet, and he fumbled with the jeans he’d kicked into the corner the night before.

* * *

 

As much as Sam hated to admit it, he found the constant grandmotherly attention the angels gave Jimmy to be one of the cutest things he’d ever seen. Sure, Rachel and Balthazar weren’t angels Sam would ever leave his nephew alone with, even on the best of days, but watching the two argue back and forth over whose turn it was to burp the baby warmed his heart in a way that was usually reserved for cute animals and movies with happy endings.

“When do they start speaking?” Rachel asked, after several unsuccessful attempts to converse with Jimmy. “He would be much easier to care for if he could tell us what he wants.”

“Uh, probably not until a year or so,” Sam said with a shrug. “I’m not sure. That’s how long it takes most human babies, anyways.”

“I can’t imagine he’d have anything interesting to say, in any case,” Balthazar commented, as Jimmy gave a high-pitched shriek of laughter. “I’m hungry!” he said in a mock-whine. “I’m tired! My diaper’s dirty! This formula tastes like shit!” Castiel gave him an exasperated glare as he took Jimmy from Balthazar’s arms, and the latter rolled his eyes. “I’m only joking,” he added. “Though I must say, I’m offended that you didn’t even consider naming this little lump after your best friend.”

Sam snorted into his orange juice, and Cas just shook his head. “I believe your name is a bit… out of the ordinary, by human standards,” he said.

“Exactly,” Balthazar countered. “Make the little tyke stand out!”

Rachel made a quick grab for Jimmy and popped a bottle into his mouth. “If the next one is a girl, you should name her Rachel,” she said primly. “I understand it is a common human name as well.”

“The next one?” Dean had been lucky enough to walk in the kitchen as soon as Rachel had opened her mouth. “Cas, something you wanna tell me?”

Cas looked confused for a moment. “Uh,” he said with a slight frown, “We’re going to need more formula soon?”

Dean rolled his eyes and cut to the chase. “Are you pregnant again?” he asked bluntly.

“What?” If Cas had looked confused before, he was now positively bewildered. “No. What gave you that idea?”

“Well, what’s-her-tits over there—”

“Rachel,” the aforementioned angel corrected.

“Whatever. She just said ‘the next one’!”

“Dean, she was being hypothetical,” Sam said, and Rachel nodded. “No one’s having any more babies right now.”

“Except the cat that’s been living outside,” Inias supplied helpfully, appearing beside Dean. “A litter of six this time!”

Dean made a face at Inias, then crossed the kitchen to the fridge. “So, Cas,” he said, and Sam dropped his head into his arms. He’d lived with Dean long enough to know that tone never meant anything good. “’Bout what you said last night.”

Cas didn’t reply, and instead stared back warily.

“Is this,” he gestured at the group gathered in the kitchen, “going to be a daily thing? I mean, is there ever gonna be a morning where I don’t wake up to a house full of these assholes?”

Rachel frowned and gently handed Jimmy back to Cas. “I think I had better go,” she said. “This…” she muttered something in Enochian that had Balthazar snickering, “could clearly use some time to himself.”

Inias muttered some half-assed excuse as well, and disappeared seconds after Rachel. As soon as the two were gone, Cas fixed Dean with a bitchface that would’ve made Sam proud.

“Way to go, Dean,” Sam muttered.

“What?” Dean glanced from Sam back to Cas. “You guys’re acting like I’m the crazy one here! I told you I don’t like these guys randomly showing up and grabbing Jimmy! And can I _help_ you?” He directed the last part to Balthazar, who remained lounged in one of the kitchen chairs.

“No, I’m fine,” he replied with a smirk. “Just enjoying the show.”

“Great.” Dean threw his hands up in defeat. “Just great. Cas, can I talk to yo—oh, fucking perfect,” he added, as he stared at the empty space Cas had occupied seconds before.

Sam dropped his dishes into the sink with an audible crash, and glared as Dean whipped around to face him. “Don’t you think that was, oh, I dunno, a little rude?” he snapped.

“Rude?” Dean let out an affronted laugh, and sank into the chair across from Balthazar. “Listen, Sam, I’m sorry if you’ve become all buddy-buddy with these feathered freaks, but I seem to recall quite a few of them trying to kill the three of us a few months ago, so _forgive me_ if I’m not exactly comfortable with them being within a hundred miles of my son!”

“Might I interrupt for a moment?” Balthazar asked, raising a hand slightly. Dean’s shouted “No!” was drowned out by Sam’s “Yes, please!”, and he continued as though neither had spoken. “I feel like a bit of a twat for pointing out something you _obviously_ know, but I just have to ask... You _do_ recall that Castiel is one of those ‘feathered freaks’ you seem so keen on insulting, don’t you?”

Dean’s smile didn’t reach his eyes as he leaned towards Balthazar, elbows resting on the tabletop. “You know what? You’re right,” he said simply. “You _are_ being a bit of a twat.”

Balthazar shrugged. “I understand that you want to protect your son. But _try_ and remember that it takes two to tango. And, well, he’s not entirely yours, is he?”

“Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

“Maybe,” Balthazar said, with an air of finality, “ _maybe_ , if you pulled your head out of your paranoid arse for two seconds, you would realize that Castiel knows his brothers and sisters a little better than you do. Does he seem like the type to willingly put his own child in danger?”

The only way Dean felt the angel’s words could have rang out any clearer was if Balthazar had chosen that moment to drop a microphone. He slumped slightly in his chair, and glanced back at Sam, who shrugged with a ‘what-do-you-want-me-to-do-about-it’ look. “Okay, so I’m a bit of an ass,” Dean muttered finally.

“A bit,” Sam replied bluntly.

“Like I said,” Balthazar said, “I understand that you want to protect Jimmy. But we’re not complete psychopaths, contrary to what you might believe.” Dean rolled his eyes as the angel continued. “We don’t harm our own children, in any case. That would be an _unbelievably_ —how would you say it?—dickish move. Which, I might add, is why so many members of my highly dysfunctional family take _great_ offence to you even suggesting it.”

Dean was silent for a moment, which Sam took to be a good sign. After several tense moments of contemplating the scratched tabletop, he looked up. “Okay, fine,” he said. “You wanna accept the terms of my surrender?” Balthazar raised an eyebrow, and Sam shook his head. “First things first,” Dean continued. “I get that you’re all uber-fucking-maternal and shit, and that’s fine. That’s good. Whatever. But like I told Cas, we need to discuss some boundaries.”

“Done.” Balthazar straightened up slightly, and nodded. “Name them.”

“No more angels showing up in my bed, for one.”

“Inias, I presume?”

Dean didn’t need to confirm it. “Also, no appearing in the bunker without permission from me, Cas or Sam.” Balthazar nodded again. “Good. Second, and most important: _No one_ touches Jimmy without our say-so.”

“I can agree to that.”

Dean looked a bit surprised. “Well… okay, then,” he said, holding out his hand to the other angel, only belatedly remembering that angels don’t _do_ the whole hand-shake thing. Luckily, Balthazar seemed to catch on faster than his siblings, and mirrored Dean with only a brief hesitation.

“Oh, one more thing,” Dean said in a rush. “Don’t let Inias watch anymore TV. Guy was telling me to ‘pound it’ earlier, and if he’s doing fist-bumps already, he’s only a hop, skip and a jump away from running around screaming ‘yolo’.”


End file.
